Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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