so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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