You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
