could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
