i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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