when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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