I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
