Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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