We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
