just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
