In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
