Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
