Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
