oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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