Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
