I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I lost the right to judge tonight
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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