You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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