Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
