I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We got so high we made milksteak
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
