So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
