college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
