Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
