I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
