i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
