I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize