she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
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Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
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HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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