i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
