You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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