I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
