Whod you bang
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Let's get the cat blown out
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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