hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
