Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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