the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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