Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
