I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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