Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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