how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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