Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
