saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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