I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
