so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
