Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
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So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
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Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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