i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
