remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Houston, we have a blender
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
