It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
vagina is talking i cant
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
