So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
