I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
