They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
