so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
