I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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