who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
