so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
