I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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