Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
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All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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