That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
did you just send me my own nude
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
