He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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