Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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