you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
