I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
