Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
