plz talk dirty to me
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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