shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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