What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
