I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
