only you would photoshop your dick
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
