It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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