why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
