No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
