I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
two words...techno handjob
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
