Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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