Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
