Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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