Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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