I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
