I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
