Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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