Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
