My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm always down for nudity.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize